Property of Stark
by Ira e Invidia
Summary: Hello average people, I am the brilliant Tony Stark. Let me tell you how very privileged you are that I have decided to share with you about the bet I made with Capsicle. Which I (obviously) am going to win. Hold on...Steve, what are you doing? No, wait, STEVE DON'T TOU-
1. The Deal

**Disclaimer: I do not actually own the Avengers, I just like to think I do.**

**I don't plan on any pairings except for canon if you guys want it. Enjoy my first Avengers fic! :D**

* * *

Tony opened the door dramatically, making Steve wince as it hit the wall. Stalking up to the captain the genius leaned over the couch to see what he was doing. Rogers sighed and put his pencil down, looking up at the other in annoyance. He considered himself a patient man, but Stark really knew how to push his buttons.

"What do you want Tony?"

The billionaire snickered in response, "You have a diary?"

"It's not a diary," Steve frowned, "It's a journal."

Tony walked around the couch and plopped down next to the soldier, "Like a Star Trek type journal?" he changed his voice to a poor impression of Captain Kirk, "Captain's log-"

"I don't get that reference," Steve cut him off, confusion showing clearly on his face, "And yes, something like that."

Stark just shook his head, pulling out a flask of scotch from a hidden compartment in the coffee table. Shrugging his shoulders at the disapproving look he got from the captain Tony attempted to grab the journal. It was pulled out of reach by Steve who looked at him with exasperation.

"I find a journal helps me organize my thoughts. You should get one Stark, it would be very beneficial."

The genius made a face and rolled his eyes, "Sorry, I'm too busy doing more manlystuff, I wouldn't have time to write in a diary."

"It doesn't need to be about your day or feelings," Steve rolled his eyes, "It can be about anything: statistics, facts, ideas. For example, I write about how well our team is getting along and I keep track of what I eat along with how much exercise I get."

Tony put a hand up to his mouth in a fake yawn, "Boring. There's nothing in it for me. And besides, don't you have to make reports to Fury about our group collaboration anyways?"

"Well, yes, but that's not the point! I'll make you a deal, you keep a journal for a week -you have to write in it everyday- about what you've learned since you joined the Avengers, and I'll let you take me to a club."

The playboy grinned slyly, he knew how Rogers despised clubs and loud parties, "Fine. But only if you go clubbing with me every night. It's only fair, I would have to write in a journal everyday."

The captain grimaced, "Alright, but we stay for no more than an hour. We start today, deal?"

"Deal."

That done Tony left to go down and work with Bruce in the lab while Steve decided to make himself some lunch. Both were confident the other would take a shine to their favourite hobby.

* * *

"BRUUUCIIE!" the inventor shouted.

"What is it Tony?" Banner's calm voice called out in reply.

Stark rounded the corner and jumped up to sit on the desk his friend was currently working at, scattering some loose papers, "I made a bet with Rogers! If I write in a diary everyday for a week then he has to go clubbing with me every night. I bet I could hook Cap up with a pretty girl in ten seconds flat."

Bruce looked up from where he had patiently started to gather all the papers Tony had knocked down, "Do you even have a journal?"

"Well no," the billionaire pursed his lips, "I'll get Peps to pick one up for me."

The scientist sighed and watched his friend start to pace while having Jarvis patch a call through to Pepper. Bruce grabbed a paperclip and an empty file, putting all the papers into a neat stack and out of Stark's destructive path. Tony flounced back over and settled down to work with Banner for a while.

Pepper tiredly stepped out of the elevator and headed for Tony's bedroom, dropping her professional facade once out of the public eye. It was quite painful really, to stand stiff and straight like there was a steel rod strapped to her back all day. She had kicked off her high heels in the living room, feet cramped from walking in them for so long. She carried a briefcase in one hand and her phone in the other, work never stopped for her. Pepper shifted the journal she had bought for Stark under her arm and opened the door to his room.

The genius looked up as Pepper walked in, eyes never straying from the screen of her mobile, and dumped the journal on his desk. She left without a word, sparing only an exhausted glance of warning at him when Tony opened his mouth to speak. Disgruntled, he stuck his tongue out at her as she left, instantly jumping up to check out the diary. The playboy decided Pepper had an eye for picking out awesome things as soon as he saw the Iron Man cover on the journal. Tony sat down and opened it up, grabbing a pen to write his first entry.

**May 9, 2012**

**Hello to whoever is reading my amazing journal right now (yes Capsicle I'm referring to you). I never thought that I -the great Tony Stark- would ever be writing in a diary but alas! I have made a deal (which of course I get the most benefits out of) and plan to fulfill my end. I have decided that I shall record a list of facts of what I have learned since joining the Avengers. This is my first entry out of the seven I plan to write. I hope that you, dear reader, learn much from the knowledge that I am willing to impart with you.**

**Fact 1: I am the most awesome person in the building. 'Nough said.**

**Fact 2: Thor loves to break things. But only my stuff. He broke five glasses, the TV, the toaster when it started smoking, and the fire alarm when it began beeping cause of the smoke. He even ripped the living room doors off their hinges!**

**Fact 3: I might go broke in the near future. Cap and Shakespeare can clear the fridge out in two days. Not to mention all the damages caused by the six of us living together. I am afraid for my money.**

**Fact 4: I should probably superglue the air ducts and vents shut. Clint and Natasha like to crawl around in there. Why can't they use the floor like regular people? I seriously think I'm the only normal one in this tower, Well, besides Pepper of course. But Clint loves to scare people by jumping down when you least expect it. And it kind of makes me paranoid (I'll never tell him that) cause I never know when one of them is watching me or listening in on my conversations. I don't want them getting ahold of any potential blackmailing info cause they'd definitely use it.**

**Fact 5: Rogers is a mother-hen. Always trying to tell me when to stop drinking, bringing food for me if I miss a meal, and he even tries to make me go to bed at eleven! That's not even late! (I know you're going to read this Cap so stop trying to be my mother. Go bother someone else).**

**Fact 6: Banner should not get drunk under any circumstances. Ever. I thought he would be an angry drunk but dear Bruce is exceedingly clingy. I almost wish he was angry instead, it would be easier to deal with.**

**Fact 7: The Asgardians are racist pricks. Honestly, they are. They hate the Jotuns because they are blue and giant. Seriously, I know they've warred against each other forever but that doesn't mean the frost giants are monsters.**

**Fact 8: Hulk likes to smash. That is all.**

**Fact 9: Natasha is the most deadly thing in the building. I say thing because I'm not quite sure if she's human or demon. I am more afraid of her than I am of Hulk.**

**Fact 10: Do not speak ill of Loki. Thor always seems to know when someone says a nasty thing about his brother. Any damage cause by Mjolnir is the fault of the offender. Please heed this warning my young padawans (Ha! Got you there Spangles! :D) you do not want to be thumped by an angry god.**

**Fact 11: Do not do anything that will even slightly annoy Natasha or Pepper when it's their 'time of month' you shall be seriously injured.**

**Please ignore the spot of blood on this page (don't panic Capsicle). Natasha was apparently watching me from the vent in the ceiling when I wrote fact 11. Scared the crap outta me when the knife came out of nowhere. I have decided she is in fact a demon. I wonder how long she was there for...oh well, she can't come in my room because that is the one vent I have already superglued.**

**Anyways, I am not about to do a cheesy sign off because I am Tony Stark.**

The genius dropped his pen and closed the journal, rubbing his hand where the knife had nicked it. This wasn't so hard and he only had six more entries to go! Tony grinned, leaning back, and started mentally listing his favourite clubs, contemplating which one to take Rogers to first.

* * *

Steve looked skeptically at the club entrance, following Stark as they walked past the bouncer. Inside the room's darkness was pierced by bright multicoloured lights that were pulsing and flashing, focused mostly on the dance floor. Tony led the captain up to the bar and ordered a couple of drinks. The music was way too loud Steve decided, the floor was shaking under his feet. He was starting to regret making that deal, this place was more horrible that he had expected. He looked around, watching all the people mingling on the dance floor. The soldier was disgusted by how most of them switched partners every two or three minutes.

Stark ordered another round of drinks, and patted Steve's shoulder, "Why not go out there and dance? Let go for a bit, maybe find a nice girl..."

Rogers looked at him incredulously, "Dance? That's not dancing! It's...it's an abomination! What they're doing is very sleazy."

The inventor rolled his eyes, "Pfft it's fine. That's the kind of dancing everyone does nowadays. If you wanna dance like they did when you were young you'd have tp go to a seniors ball or something."

Steve opted for twisting his face in disgust at the provocative dancing and ignoring how people were hanging off each other and making out in the dark corners of the room. He was very much ready to leave.

"Heeey," slurred a drunk young woman, coming up behind Rogers and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Steve blushed bright red, gently prying the brunette's arms from himself, "Um...hello."

Tony laughed as she persistently pressed against the cap, "My name is Larissa."

The soldier downed the rest of his drink quickly, grabbed the billionaire's arm and dragged him out of the club. He'd had enough for one night.

"Come on Spangles! You promised one hour!"

Steve shook his head, "We were there for twenty minutes. I think that's enough. Did you see those young ladies? No shame!"

Tony rolled his eyes, "Cap this isn't the '40s, they aren't being sluts, that's just our culture now. Well...some are sluts but most are just drunk. You did well for your first night though Rogers. We'll stay longer tomorrow."

Steve groaned at the prospect of going back.

* * *

When the two arrived at the tower it was as silent as a graveyard. The Avenger's leader shifted uncomfortably while Stark became somewhat concerned. The only time the place was ever absolutely quiet was when something nasty had happened. Something that usually resulted in damage to his tower.

"Hey!" Tony called, "Peps? Natasha? Clint? Bruuuce!"

Both men looked up as a slight noise was heard. Seconds later Barton dropped from the ventilation shaft in the ceiling. He landed nimbly on his feet, silent like an agent should be. He grinned sheepishly at them.

"What happened?" Steve quickly asked. Stark closed his mouth and glared at the cap for beating him to it.

Clint rubbed the back of his neck, "Um, not much. Thor chucked the blender out the window but other than that we're fine. Just a little shocked."

"Why?" Tony jumped at the chance to speak.

The archer's smile disappeared quickly, "Loki's coming."

* * *

**Tell me if you actually want Loki in this story or not. I can go both ways. Leave a review telling me if you liked it or not. Until next time!**


	2. Pink Aprons

**Hey fellow earthlings! I'm back with chapter 2! Aren't you happy? Anyways, I got some reviews, and that makes me happy! You like it when I'm happy cause then I update quicker :D Thanks to  . . , Ramonks33, nickypooh, Miss America of the USA, and anon reviewer I Be Sporks for the kind words.**

**Now some of you want Loki and others think it should be more centred on Tony and Steve. So I shall compromise, Loki will be in the story, but he won't be a main character. I'm not going to make this story an angsty drama (cause you gotta admit Loki's got a lot of baggage xD) I'm just going to give him small roles where he can play pranks and stuff so that Tony can write about him. I'm also going to have Loki show up sometimes to make Steve's life hard (poor poor Stevie).**

**Disclaimer: I think spiders are cute, dirt tastes good, I own the Avengers, and my sister can fly. *totally lying***

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_The archer's smile disappeared quickly, "Loki's coming."_

Tony threw back his head and laughed, "No he's not. Nice try though."

Clint crossed his arms, completely serious, "He's on his way as we speak. According to Thor Loki has served his sentence and is now allowed to do as he pleased once more. Lucky us the first thing he chose to do was come back to earth. The others are on the roof, waiting for his attack."

"Let's get up there before he arrives," Steve ordered, pushing the inventor to the elevator, he turned back to see Barton still standing where he was before, "Clint, Come on!"

The archer grinned and jumped up, disappearing into the vent. Stark blinked, "How did he do that?! That vent is vertical, there's nothing for him to hold onto up there."

The captain rolled his eyes but didn't answer, he didn't know either. When the doors opened again to reveal the roof, the two men ran out to join the other Avengers. Tony looked both confused and infuriated to find Clint had made it there before them somehow. Natasha looked over and opened her mouth to speak when a flash of green interrupted her. The Avengers where all temporarily blinded for a moment, but when their vision came back, Loki wasn't in sight.

"He's here," Bruce said solemnly, "but where?"

Rogers narrowed his eyes, switching to Captain America mode, "Keep an eye out and _do not_ let him surprise you. Spread out and search the tower."

Natasha and Clint instantly crawled back into the air ducts, the archer throwing a mocking grin at Stark who replied with a rude gesture. Bruce took a couple deep breaths and calmly walked towards the stairs, the others would not be able to escape if he hulked out in the elevator.

"Where's Thor?" Tony asked, having Jarvis stand by in case he needed his suit at a moments notice.

Steve shrugged, "I think he's still on Asgard," the elevator stopped and he walked out, "be careful Stark."

"If you looked in the dictionary under the word careful would be my name."

* * *

Bruce glanced around the hallway and sighed, he'd checked two floors so far and there was no sign of the god. Maybe it had been a false alarm, but that green smoke _had_ to mean something. The scientist glanced into a nearby mirror as he walked past and did a double take once what he saw clicked in his head. Going back to mirror, Bruce saw only himself. '_That's funny,_' he thought, '_I could have sworn I saw Loki looking back at me the first time..._'

Banner turned the corner and almost ran right into Tony, he put a hand over his heart, trying to calm his racing pulse. Looking down, Bruce noticed that the billionaire had tripped backwards, startled, and had fallen to the ground, knocking his head against the floor.

Tony accepted the offered hand and got to his feet, wincing at the pounding in his skull, "Looking a little green there Brucie."

The doctor rolled his eyes and turned into the kitchen, his friend trailing along behind him. Banner stopped dead in the doorway causing Stark to ram into his back, but it hardly fazed him. There, in the middle of the kitchen, was Loki. The god turned and smiled warmly at them, mischief dancing in his eyes. Both Avengers jaws dropped when they finally took everything in. The oven was on, ingredients and used dishes were strewn about, a container half-filled with warm shortbread cookies was sitting on the counter, and Loki was kneading some mixed batter into different shapes on a baking sheet while wearing a pink apron.

Bruce didn't know how long he and Tony stood there for, watching Loki work, but by the time the second batch of cookies were in the oven, all the Avengers had gathered in the doorway. Clint raced forward to tackle the god but Loki simply picked up one of the cookies and shoved it into his attacker's mouth. Barton stopped abruptly and Loki took the opportunity to patted the archer on the head like a dog and simply poof away, leaving behind a confused group of superheroes

"Well he could've at least cleaned up this mess," Tony grumbled, looking around at his -not actually that messy- kitchen. It appeared Loki was somewhat OCD, considering everything was lined up and the counter was clean from any batter that may have fallen on it. Only traces of flour around the work area and dirty dishes showed the god had been baking. '_Loki had been baking,_' Stark couldn't quite wrap his mind around it, repeat the words again and again in his head.

"Clint!" Natasha said sharply as the other agent reached for another cookie.

"What? They're good."

* * *

There had been no further sign of Loki, and so the Avengers relaxed after a while and went to bed. Tony woke up around eleven and was sitting in his room, a plate full of cookie crumbs beside him. Sure it wasn't the most healthy of breakfasts but it was still nutritious enough in Stark's eyes. Romanoff had deemed the cookies to be safe last night and so the genius had snatched some up that morning and disappeared back to his room. Apparently they weren't poisoned, which was good in his opinion, but if later on he found out there was a spell on them and he got affected or sick, he was going to wring the god's neck. Stark put the machine he was fiddling with aside, and grabbed his journal. He opened it to a blank page and barked out a laugh. There, where he would've written his next entry, were the words **LOKI WAS HERE **sprawled across the page. He stopped laughing when he realized that it meant Loki could've been in his room while he was sleeping. Tony shook his head and flipped the page, deciding Loki had done it while they were searching for him last night, that option made him feel more comfortable, and he began to write.

**May 10, 2012**

**Welcome back unintelligent _normal_ people. Your favourite guy, Tony Stark, is here again. I know you're excited but please, calm down. It would not be good if you had a heart attack before you could read my awesome entry, you will learn much I assure you (so pay attention Cap).**

**Fact 1: The floor hurts. I banged my head off of it and found it's really painful to do so.**

**Fact 2: Clint can defy the laws of gravity. Somehow he went straight up a _vertical_ vent. There was nothing to hold onto yet he shimmied up anyway. I think he might be Spiderman's cousin.**

**Fact 3: Loki enjoys baking. He also seems to like pink. And he makes _really _good cookies.**

**Fact 4: Capsicle's a prude.**

**Fact 5: Playing board games is not a good idea. My fellow Avengers all cheat (of course _I _don't, I just win because I'm so smart). Except for Spangles, he actually plays by the rules (where's the fun in that?) and usually loses because of it.**

**Fact 6: I have noticed everybody (including myself) tends to lock themselves in their rooms whenever Legolas says he's bored. It might have something to do with the fact that he starts throwing and shooting stuff at us. He says he's just testing us and wants us to always be prepared in case of a possible attack.**

**Fact 7: Without Pepper, our team would be in shambles and my tower reduced to rubble.**

**That is all I will write today for I am eager to get Spangles out to a club again. Last night was so much fun, watching him squirm uncomfortably. Maybe I'll take him to the Devu Shar this time...**

Tony snickered to himself, and was about to put the journal away when a knock came at the door. Getting up he opened it to reveal the good captain himself. The playboy grinned, "What's up Rogers?"

"I want to make sure you've upheld your end of the deal so far. Aren't you hungover from last night?"

Stark walked over to his desk and handed the journal to the soldier, "Here you go of ye of little faith. And no, I didn't drink enough, I have a high alcohol tolerance believe it or not."

Steve simply shook his head and left, heading to the living room so he could read in peace.

* * *

Tony was working in the lab with Bruce when he heard the cap, "Stark!" Diving under the table the genius sent a pleading look to his science buddy not to rat him out. Bruce simply sighed and continued working until Rogers burst into the room.

"Hello Steve," Banner said politely.

"Where's Stark?"

The doctor tilted his head as if contemplating, "I'm not quite sure. Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, I just wanted to return his journal and let him know I'm not a mother-hen, he just doesn't bother to take care of himself so someone's got to make sure he eats and sleeps."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, an amused smile spreading across his face. Tony crawled out from under the table and took his journal, "Thanks."

"So..." Steve shifted from one foot to the other, "Why did you bang your head on the floor?"

The inventor groaned, "Well obviously I didn't do it on purpose. I ran into Banner here and fell. Now come on, I know what club we're going to." He walked out, gesturing for Rogers to follow him.

* * *

The Devu Shar was very similar to to the club from the other night Steve noticed, flashing lights, loud music, and dark corners. Once again the two men went up to the bar for some drinks. The soldier watched as girls instantly flocked towards them like vultures to a dead animal. Many of the young ladies were drunk, others were infatuated with the heroes of earth.

"Hehehe," one of the girls laughed, hiccoughing occasionally, "What's up handsome?" she clung to his arm, instantly causing the other women to hang off of him too. Steve grew uncomfortable quite quickly. He watched with pleading eyes as Tony got up and went to the dance floor, a lady on each arm. Rogers sat for a while, ordering another drink and trying, unsuccessfully, to pry the girls off of him. As soon as one of the women brushed a hand under his shirt to feel out his abs he'd had enough. Standing quickly, the captain rushed away, most of the ladies too drunk to keep ahold of him.

Steve hid in one of the corners, and watched as the women looked around for him. He breathed a sigh of relief, sinking against the wall. Looking over he suddenly noticed a couple making out not half a foot away from him. They seemed unaware of his presence and Rogers took to opportunity to slink away. Suddenly Tony was racing towards him, shouting something unintelligible. Steve was able to make out what he was saying when he got closer.

"Let's go let's go let's go!"

It was then that the hero noticed the large, angry, tattooed man behind the billionaire. Rogers ran alongside Stark, racing out of the club. They turned many corners until the man was no longer chasing them. Tony sighed and leaned against a nearby tree, "Well that was close."

"I probably could've taken him." Steve protested.

The playboy laughed breathlessly, "Starting a fight in a club would be like starting a bar brawl. Soon everyone's fighting and throwing things at each other. Even if they have no reason to, they so drunk it doesn't matter. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about, that's why I ran."

The Avenger's leader said nothing, looking up to the sky where only a few stars could be seen through the polluted New York atmosphere. It was in those few distracted moments that Stark was hit. Hearing a crash, Steve whipped around in time to catch Tony as he crumpled to the ground. The man from the club was there, holding the remains of a rum bottle. He caught the captain's eye and grunted, turned around and left, he had nothing against Rogers.

Sighing, the soldier dug out Stark's cell, calling Happy to pick them up. Once their ride came, he hoisted the genius into the backseat. Steve looked at his old fashioned watch and deducted that they had stayed at the Devu Shar for about thirty-five minutes. '_Better than last time_,' he thought absentmindedly.

* * *

Tony groaned, he had a major hangover. There was something soft beneath him which he concluded was his bed. He was in his room, which was good. Opening his eyes, the inventor let out a shriek (a manly one mind you). A pair of emerald green eyes stared right back at him, amusement dancing in their depths.

* * *

**Let me know what you think! If you want to see more or less or a certain character put it in your review. Any suggestions are welcome. :)**


	3. Floating Eyeballs

**I has a job! And I got offered to write someone's biography because apparently they want their life published. But do not fear! Behold, I shall continue this story to completion! Sorry it's a little late, I just started school today, but it's the longest chapter so far :)**

**Disclaimer: I am not Marvel, I do not own the Avengers. BUT I AM Levram and I DO own the Sregneva! 8D**

* * *

Tony instantly jumped back, smacking his pounding skull against the headboard. He winced and rolled off the bed, moving near the door in case a quick escape was required. The watchful green eyes followed his every move, which just made them all the more creepy. When the fog floating inside the billionaire's brain finally cleared, he started to process everything that had happened so far. Once the task was complete he froze and stared at the floating pair of eyes. There was an odd glint in them, one of...glee? Yep, Stark decided, definitely mirth. "_Don't be stupid Tony, floating peepers can't show emotion..._" he thought to himself. Suddenly the eyes disappeared, and the playboy blinked in confusion. "_Where...?_"

"Good morning Stark," a hazy voice whispered in his ear, the words smooth like honey.

The genius whipped around, and saw...nothing. He turned in a full circle, knitting his eyebrows together. Finding nothing Tony groaned and rubbed furiously at his face, trying to fully wake himself up. A hot breath was suddenly on his ear and Stark went rigid, quickly glancing over his shoulder, nothing. A laugh sounded from across the room and suddenly Loki appeared, sitting casually on the bed with his legs crossed. Before Tony could open his mouth the god evaporated, the mist from where he been began spreading around the room. When it cleared standing in front of Tony was...Clint. The archer laughed and threw a bowl of purple face paint at him, and then jumped straight up and vanished into the vent that Stark thought he had securely glued shut. Natasha appeared upside down with a camera clasped in her hands, apparently Barton was holding onto her legs. How that was a possible feat in a vertical vent the genius didn't know. A flash of light blinded him temporarily and pounding in his head subsided to a dull throb both assassins were gone.

Stark heaved a sigh and headed to the adjoining washroom, scrubbing as much of the purple off his face as possible, then left to look for some advil. Being pranked by both Loki and the agents in the same time frame could not be a coincidence. Swallowing three pills to exterminate his hangover Tony decided to skip breakfast and look for the captain. He wasn't hard to find considering Steve always sat in the living room with a coffee and newspaper in the morning. The inventor threw himself down on the couch next to their leader and cleared his throat loudly to gain attention.

"Yes Stark?" the soldier didn't even glance up.

"So, uh...what actually happened last night? I got this awful hangover but I don't even remember drinking that much."

Steve looked over the top of his newspaper, "You didn't. That's not a hangover, though I don't doubt it feels like one, it's just a really bad headache. That tattooed man from the club last night, he hit you over the head with a rum bottle."

"Oh."

That taken care of the genius stood up and stretched, going to look for the assassins. He ended up searching for only five minutes before he gave up and stuck his head into the nearest air duct, "Barton! Natasha!" he received no response and huffed grumpily, "Jarvis, where is Robin hood and the itsy bitsy spider?"

"In the living room sir," was the immediate reply.

"WHAT? I just came from there!" Stark stormed back into the living room where both agents where calmly sitting on the loveseat, sipping coffee. Steve was still there, though he had put down his newspaper and was making polite smalltalk with Clint. The playboy stood in front of them, tapping his foot while they continued to ignore his presence.

The archer finally finished his conversation with the good captain and turned his attention to the agitated man, "What's up Tony?"

"How did you get in my room? I _super glued _that vent shut."

"Did you really think that would deter us?" Natasha asked, her face betraying no emotion whilst Barton's flickered with mischief.

"Yes. But I suppose I'll have to think of something else, I am called a genius after all."

Romanoff remained unimpressed and Clint snorted, "If you say so. That aside, why was there smoke in your room? I mean sure it was a good cover for me to drop down unnoticed, but I didn't think you would have anything explosive in your room."

"Wait," Tony frowned, "you mean you didn't plan this with Loki?"

Both the archer and Natasha turned to each other, clearly confused. The deadlier of the two shook her head, "No. We haven't seen him since the kitchen incident. Why was he in your room?"

"I woke up and saw a pair of floating eyeballs in front of me, I almost crapped my pants. It was him alright, his voice, laugh, everything. And the smoke, he did that too right when he disappeared. Then you dropped in and I just thought..." the inventor trailed off, not needing to say anymore.

"That's certainly odd," the two men jumped, they had completely forgotten about Steve. Natasha looked slightly amused at their little freak out, but snapped back into her stoic expression almost as soon as the mirth had come, leaving the others to wonder if they had just imagined it.

"It's nothing, no harm done," Stark shrugged it off as the soldier went back to reading his newspaper. Out of the corner of his eye Tony noticed Natasha deftly pull out her camera and aim it at Rogers. Clint sat on the edge of the couch, and the billionaire turned around to watch the show. Soon Steve's face turned bright red, it looked so hot Stark vaguely pondered cooking an egg on it. Romanoff quickly snapped a picture and sprinted to a corner of the room, pulling back the carpet edge to hop down into a vent in the floor.

"How ghastly!" the soldier shouted, "Have they no shame? Writing something like this in a newspaper!"

At the look on Tony's face the archer leaned in and whispered, "We sabotaged Cap's newspaper, one of the articles is a little...revealing."

The inventor threw back his head and laughed, watching as Rogers crumpled the paper and stomped out. Barton grinned and raced across the room, vaulting off a nearby recliner and doing a perfect swan dive, he vanished headfirst into the vent, no doubt to find Natasha. Stark huffed at what was clearly just Clint showing off, and stalked off to find Bruce.

* * *

"MY FRIENDS! HURRY! MY BROTHER IS TRAPPED IN THE SCREEN THAT DISPLAYS MOVING PICTURES!" Thor's bellow echoed through the tower, startling the two scientists from their work.

"Good to know we don't have to teach Thor how to use the intercom. He's loud enough to be heard without it," Banner comment dryly.

Soon the Avengers had all gathered in the common room, staring with annoyance at the thunderer who was panicked.

"LOOK MY FRIENDS!" Thor wailed, "MY BROTHER CANNOT ESCAPE!"

Tony let out an exasperated puff of air, "They're simply showing a picture of him on the news so that civilians know to call the police if they see him. Your brother's not actually in the TV buddy."

Thor sighed in relief and everyone silently sent prayers of thanks to the genius. Everything was fine...until Loki stepped out of the screen.

"You simply would not _believe _how boring it is in there," the god said dramatically, putting a hand to his chest in exaggeration. The Avengers all stared, jaws on the floor, except for Thor, who jumped up and quickly flung his arms around his brother, catching the trickster off guard.

"Brother! You are safe once more! Who put you in that dreadful place?"

"Let go of me you oaf!" screeched Loki, futilely pushing against the thunderer's chest.

"Nay brother!" Thor cried, "Let us celebrate your return! BEHOLD! I am expressing great joy at your victory over the evil screen!"

The other god simply smirked, relaxing into the future king and reaching his arms up to wind them around Thor's neck. The elder's face lit up like a light bulb, thinking the trickster was finally accepting his family again. What he didn't see was Loki's hands glowing green and turning his hair a bright neon pink. When the thunderer let go his brother stepped back and smirked, barely contained laughter bubbling in his throat. Natasha took advantage of the situation and snapped a photo of a still smiling Thor. With a wave, Loki disappeared, leaving a magical sparkly pink cloud behind.

"He really does have a thing for pink eh?" Tony commented.

"It is very uncommon see pink on Asgard, I suppose my brother finds it amusing to prank us with such a feminine colour," Thor replied.

The playboy smirked and raised an eyebrow, "Indeed he does." The god smiled and patted Stark on the back, knocking the wind out of him, he then proceeded to leave the room, the others still staring.

"Do you think we should tell him?" Natasha asked.

Everyone thought for a minute, "Nah."

"Wait a minute," Clint said suddenly, "When did Thor get here?"

* * *

The genius was sitting on the couch, watching Bruce run around and search for a screwdriver, "Honestly Tony! You have all this fancy tech equipment and three different labs, and yet no screwdrivers?!"

Stark shrugged, "I do have some, you just can't find them."

"Well would you help me for once?" Banner glared and crossed his arms.

"No. But Jarvis will. Jarvis?"

_"Yes sir?"_ was the AI's immediate response.

"Scan the tower for a screwdriver would ya?"

_"Of course sir, right away."_

Tony watched as his friend sighed, aggravated, and walked off to look somewhere else. The billionaire brushed it off and opened his journal.

**May 11, 2012**

**I am so awesome that today I will not write an intro, because I do not know what to say. Even though writing a beginning is crucial, screw the rules I have money.**

**Fact 1: My dear pupils, remember that no matter how educated you are, how much equipment you have, or how complex your prison for him is, the villain known as Mr. Screwdriver will always escape. This is because he is a talented escape artist and can elude you by cloaking himself with invisibility.**

**Fact 2: Loki likes pink, therefore he must be a fag. Don't worry I'm kidding. I said I'm kidding. I'M KIDDING THOR! *_the sentences after are too covered in blood to be properly read. Tony tried to salvage what he could._***

**Fact 3: Clint used to do ballet. He told me so after I asked him how he did a swan dive into an air duct. He said that it was part of SHIELD basic training, they had to learn how to swim, and apparently, dance. I can just picture Fury on his tiptoes in a nice pink tutu now...**

**Fact 4: Do not show or talk to Thor about Star Wars because he wants to hire some Jedi now. He thinks that they would be able to help us and detain his brother, telling him they are fictional have no effect. I don't think he really understands.**

**Fact 5: If you hang up on Fury, he will dump ALL the Avengers paperwork on you. This happened to a certain individual (shut up Spangles it was totally not me). But I am still more afraid of Natasha than eye patch guy.**

**Fact 6: Seeing floating eyeballs does not mean you are drunk or hallucinating, it just means that Loki's in the room. How unfortunate for the victim. But great news for the person conveniently hanging upside down with a camera.**

**Fact 7: Thor can be really dense sometimes, but other days really reasonable. I don't know how he switches between the two. Does he wake up in the morning and be all like, 'should I be smart or an idiot today? I can't decide so let's go with my default which is thickheaded and clueless.' He just showed up today, he probably timed it to so he could freak out as soon as he got here and scare the living crap out of us. When did he get here anyway?**

**Fact 8: Capsicle and I have yet to stay at a club for the promised hour. Which is really lame if you think about it, all our experiences so far have gone bad. He should be on the floor by now kissing my feet and begging me to take him out again tonight. He should also have hooked up with someone by now.**

Tony put his pen down and sighed, watching as Banner walked past again, having not yet found the elusive screwdriver, even with Jarvis scanning the tower. The inventor frowned and looked up at the time, it was 5:30...he really should eat.

"You really should eat," Clint pointed out.

Stark jumped three feet into the air, "Where the heck did you come from?!" He looked up and saw a conveniently placed vent right over the spot on the couch where Barton was sitting.

The archer's brows furrowed, "I walked in through the door."

Tony did his first epic face palm of the day.

* * *

Stark walked onto the balcony where Natasha was reading in the fading daylight. He hopped up and splatted down on the loveseat next to her. The playboy leaned over, trying to get a glimpse of her book but the agent gave him a single irritated flash of her eyes and he paled, backing away a bit.

"Hey," he tried, and was pointedly ignored, "Tashaaa," no response, "Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaashaaaa," Tony poked her side and she shifted away from him a little, a brief tinge of laughter dancing across her face before it was wiped out. But the damage was done, the inventor had seen it. He grinned and poked her again, and this time she set her book down and turned to him, trying to look annoyed but failing.

"What is it Stark?"

Tony smiled like a Cheshire cat, an evil glint in his eye, "You're ticklish." It was not a question.

Romanoff tried to object anyways, a frown laced with, was it worry? And perhaps slight nervousness, evident in her expression, "No. Of course not, I am a trained assassin, and am immune to such childish tactics."

"Yeah an assassin trained in ballet, very deadly," the playboy snorted. He suddenly sprung, getting close to the agent and attacking her sides. Natasha began to break down into laughter, tears forming in her eyes. Apparently she was very sensitive. He continued and watched as she squirmed, trying to wriggle away from him.

Tony was just starting to enjoy himself when the loud booming of Thor's voice reached their ears, "MY FRIENDS! COME LOOK, BEHOLD IT IS TRAGIC!" Using that opportunity, the redhead raced from the room, snatching her book and straightening her clothes on the way. Stark took a little longer, flopping face first onto the couch and groaning, he had been so close.

Thor was in the hallway, looking into the mirror at his newly coloured pink hair, and seemed very upset. He waited until all the Avengers were gathered before expressing his displeasure, "My friends! Which of you has done this awful deed?"

"None of us Thor," Bruce sighed, "It was Loki."

"That cannot be!" the thunderer exclaimed sharply, "He has decided to give up his evil ways."

"Did you actually hear him say that?" Steve deadpanned.

The god looked sheepish, "Well no, but it could not have been him."

"Thor," Natasha tried to reason, "You know Loki has an unhealthy obsession with pink at the moment, besides, we're you're comrades, why would we do it?"

He frowned in confusion, "You and the eye of hawk have been pulling pranks on everyone all day though no?" He looked pointedly at Clint, who was rolling on the floor clutching his sides. He couldn't help it, every time he looked at Thor he cracked up again.

"Barton you're not helping," Natasha kicked the archer lightly in the ribs, "Still, we aren't on a pink frenzy like your brother at the moment."

"I fail to see the connection." the thunderer said stubbornly.

Cue Tony's second epic face palm.

* * *

Happy pulled up at a club downtown, a really low-class one. There were drunk people as far as the eye could see, apparently the club was celebrating their ten year anniversary of being open. A sign advertised free drinks all night long, and the inventor drooled at the sight of it. Of course he could pay for any amount of drinks, but free was good in his opinion, so he wasn't about to complain. Steve sniffed unhappily at the heavy scent of smoke and weed in the air. He tried to ignore all the leering gazes of many women, some who were already hanging off a man.

"Ok, we are actually going to stay an hour this time," Stark said.

The captain inwardly groaned, he would have rather spent four hours at the Devu Shar than one here, "Joy."

Tony grinned, his face shaded from the light making him look downright evil. As per usual, the genius stalked right up to the bar, and ordered a tequila. Rogers followed more slowly, trying to shake off the feeling of being stared at. He was almost to Stark when the man was flocked by ladies, and he stopped, at a loss of what to do. Spinning around, the soldier noticed women gathering around him, it seemed to be a preplanned idea as they had created a full circle, leaving no space for escape. The girls were moving in sync, smirks pasted on their faces. Steve froze, panic bubbling up inside him and threatening to burst out of his throat. He let it, releasing a high pitched (and very manly) squeal.

Tony was sweet talking some woman whose name he didn't know when a sudden thought hit him. He turned around, _"Where's Capsicle?_"Then he noticed a group of, very drunk, ladies drifting around, they seemed to be searching for something. "_Or someone..._" The billionaire excused himself, blowing a goodbye kiss to the women around him and went off the search for the captain. He walked around for quite a while, but Rogers was nowhere to be found. Then he looked up, and his jaw dropped.

* * *

**If anyone gets the reference I made in Tony's journal you get a free cybercookie. Leave a review please! Tell me if you want to see more of a certain character or if you want me to do some of the chapters in Steve's POV, right now I've mostly been doing Tony's. Until next time! :}**


	4. Miniskirts

**Yeah it's late...a bit. I have no excuse besides that law is really boring :/ and has tons of homework. I would plead the fifth, but I'm not American. I'm Canadian, so in accordance to section 11-C of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms I have the right not to give any evidence or testimony that could incriminate me. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! And...*gives cookie to SilverHeart09***

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers or Barbie. I know you thought I did, and I am so sorry to disappoint you.**

* * *

Tony stared at the ceiling, unable to tear his eyes away. There was Captain America, clinging to a chain dangling down low enough that he was just exposed to the flashing lights. And he was dressed in a sparkly red, white, and blue miniskirt. His bare chest and neck was covered in red lipstick marks, like someone had attacked him with their lips. Steve's face was caked with makeup and glitter. Noticing the dumbfounded man below him, Rogers gazed at him with pleading eyes, clearly saying, "_Get me out of here._" The genius grinned, shaking his head and pointing to his watch, mouthing, "_One hour..._" The soldier groaned, but it quickly changed to a shriek as the chain he was holding onto creaked under his weight and he fell into the middle of the dance floor.

Stark cracked up, watching as all the men gave sarcastic catcalls to the flustered captain. Steve raced into the washroom, and Tony followed, unwilling to contain his hysterics. Rogers was splashing his face repeatedly with water, trying to get all the makeup off, but it seemed impossible.

"Why won't it just _come off already_!" the soldier growled, scrubbing his burning face with paper towel.

The billionaire chortled and leaned heavily against the counter, "It's waterproof!"

Steve just sighed, "I was flocked by some young ladies, and they did this to me. It's strange, their leader looked vaguely like Natasha, but with blonde hair and purple eyes. How long have we been here for Stark?"

"You're like a constant downer aren't ya?" Tony rolled his eyes and checked his watch, "Only twenty minutes."

"WHAT?! BUT IT'S BEEN ETERNITY!"

"Hey," called a strange voice, "could you keep it down? Some people are trying to take a piss here!"

Tony turned on his heel and calmly walked out of the bathroom, "Let's find your clothes."

"You two are gay? Gross dude!" the voice called out.

Rogers huffed, "No we're not. You just don't understand the situation."

"I think I understand all I need to know," the person quipped back.

The inventor poked his head back in, "Capsicle! Don't bother arguing with the person in the stall, come on!"

It took a while, but the two men finally found Steve's clothes...in a vent. "_Strange..._" thought the genius. He waited until Cap was done changing before abandoning him to look for his group of ladies again. Rogers followed after him like a lost puppy, eyes shifting to look carefully around the room.

"Time?"

"Thirty-five minutes, keep it up Spangles," Tony turned around and promptly bumped into the blonde haired, purple eyed woman Steve had described. "_She __**does**__ look like Natashalie..._" The girl zeroed in on the soldier, and smiled innocently, "accidentally" throwing a bottle of strong perfume on the horrified man.

Tony laughed, then gagged, holding his nose and clapping Cap on the shoulder, "They really got it out for you tonight." He quickly whipped out his cell and sent a text to the Black Widow, _Send me the pics ;)_ His phone blipped soon after, _Sure, but there's a price...expect it soon._ Stark shrugged, there was nothing he couldn't pay.

What neither of the men were expecting, was for one of the ladies to sidle up behind him and push him into the cap's arms. The other women took notice and squealed, gathering around them and cheering, "DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!" Steve glanced down at Tony who turned to a woman that looked suspiciously like Clint. The Clint-woman smirked and held up a camera, the following flash temporarily blinding the playboy. Rogers flushed bright red, and quickly pushed Stark away from him, ignoring the disappointed groans from the ladies gathered. The crowd of girls had grown, apparently the sight of two men drew them in like flies to poo (A/N: a great comparison I know).

Tony whipped out his phone, _Come on Tasha I can pay any amount of money you want!_ He almost died at the response, _I know. That's why this is my price. Do it or no pictures for blackmail. _The billionaire grinned despite the situation, _How do you know I want to use them for blackmail?_ Rogers gave him a strange look at the laugh he emitted, _Stark, we both know you're not gay, no matter how much you act it. _Tony shoved the phone in his pocket after a quick reply, _Touche_.

The genius suddenly put his hands on an unsuspecting Steve's hips, if he was going to have to dance with Capsicle, then he absolutely was not going to let him lead. The soldier let out an undignified squeak, watching as all the women screamed happily while Tony lead him into a dance. Rogers absently recognized that the song was slow, which was why they were dancing more traditionally. He let out a frantic whisper, "_Stark!_ What are you doing?!"

"Just dance with me Spangles, it's all for the camera. Trust me, we _have _to do this, I got a message on my cell saying that we had to dance or else."

Steve blushed even more if that was possible, "Fine," he moved Tony's hands to wrap around his neck, putting his own to rest on the inventor's hips, "then I get to lead."

When the song ended, the embarrassed men quickly separated and turned to head towards the bar. Stark saw Natasha and the Clint-woman disappear into an air duct near a plant in the far corner of the room and chuckled, pulling out his cell once more, _Happy?_ He put it away again after reading the response, _It was acceptable._

"Time?" Steve looked at him with begging eyes.

"Fifty minutes. Only ten more to go, you're doing great Capsicle!"

The genius downed a drink and Rogers opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a strange, yet somewhat familiar voice, "Hey!" Both Avengers turned to see a young redhead marching towards them, he was wearing a leather jacket and his grey eyes were flashing with amusement.

"Yes?" Stark drawled.

"I though you guys said you weren't gay," the collage aged boy crossed his arms.

Steve sputtered, "We're not!"

"Suuuure. Hey, aren't you guys apart of the Avengers?"

The playboy shifted to face the young man, "Yeah, I'm Iron Man and this is Captain America. What's your name kid?"

"Gay-vengers? Wow, I don't think _anyone_ expected that, and I'm Ryan."

"Oh come on!" the captain whined, "We're NOT gay!"

Ryan nodded his head, "Uh-huh, whatever you say. This will make the front page!"

Tony snapped to attention, "What? Front page?" he sounded almost...panicked.

Ryan smirked, "Woops, didn't I tell you? I'm a journalist. Nice dancing by the way, I got _lots _of pictures." he held up an expensive looking camera before walking away.

"NOOOOOOO!" The billionaire dramatically flung his arms around, "This will ruin my public image! We're leaving Rogers, before this gets even worse."

Steve looked up at a clock near the bartender, "Well, it has been an hour. So...mission accomplished. Sort of."

* * *

**May 12, 2012**

**I'm doomed! My reputation has gone to the dogs and I will die! Now everyone's going to think Spangles and I are gay. And we are absolutely NOT. The only good thing I got out of yesterday was blackmailing pictures of Cap in a miniskirt. Let me tell you what I have learned recently.**

**Fact 1: Clint is either a manly-woman or a womanly-man. I can't decide, maybe I should ask Natashalie to confirm his gender. He honestly rocks the black wigs.**

**Fact 2: Thor is afraid of mice, I was in my lab and I heard him. He was all like, "BEHOLD! A FOUL BEAST HAS APPEARED! I SHALL VANQUISH IT WITH MY MIGHTY HAMMER!" and then later on I went upstairs and he was balancing on the island counter while the mouse ran around beneath him. I think his brave shouting was all a facade.**

**Fact 3: Meanwhile Bruce is afraid of cockroaches, I was getting a coffee and noticed one near the kitchen sink. I jumped and Banner came along and was like, "Oh don't worry it's just a little- HOLY CRAP IT'S HUGE!" Then he smashed it with his book. I think his Hulk was showing.**

**Fact 4: I think Thor used to play with dolls or something when he was a kid. Seriously, that guy can pick up things with his big hands more gently than a man his size should be able to. Maybe it was Loki who roped him into playing with the Asgardian version of Barbie or something...**

**Fact 5: Never EVER try to crawl through the vents if you have not been professionally trained to do so. I tried, and after getting stuck fifty gazillion times, stumbled upon a hole made through the vent and into the drywall. The things I found in Clint's nest there are to horrible to describe. Stuff like mouldy apple pie, a pair of Pepper's earrings that she's been looking for, A page ripped out of Bruce's book, which bothered him to no end since the book was incomplete. He almost Hulked out, just because he couldn't read the ending. So I bought him another copy. I also found some tin scraps (don't know why he has them) and one of Cap's socks (ya hear that Spangles? That's where your socks are all disappearing to).**

**Fact 6: Natasha has a knife equipped to every piece of clothing she owns. I was searching through her closet and when I pick up a slipper I almost stabbed myself in the hand. There was a secret compartment on the side which held a mini-knife that had gotten loose. I don't know how she doesn't feel them...**

**Fact 7: Amazingly, Fury is _very_ OCD. I went into his office and he had thirteen pencils all perfectly lined up. So of course I had to shift them to odd angles. I watched as he came in and carefully moved each pencil back into place. So when he left I tossed them around again, then he came back and tediously lined them up once more. We repeated this process about seven times before he got angry and banned me from his office for the rest of the day.**

* * *

Tony tiredly rubbed his eyes, last night was hilarious but he had a slight hangover and it was still early for him. Yep, ten o clock came early. He absently wondered how Steve was feeling, but knowing the supersoldier he was perfectly fine. The inventor looked down once again at the pictures of the captain in makeup, glitter, and a miniskirt. He chuckled tiredly and got up, heading to the kitchen for coffee.

Stark evilly cracked his knuckles, making Bruce wince, the doctor hated little noises like that. Plopping down next to his friend, Tony slurped his coffee loudly, earning an irritated glance. He was tyring to see if he could make Banner Hulk out, it was a ritual he did every morning. Tony grabbed a pen from the coffee table and repeatedly clicked the end, watching as Bruce's knuckles tightened and turned white around the book he was reading.

Steve walked in, snapping his fingers in a rhythm known only to him, not noticing how the scientist gritted his teeth. Grabbing an apple, the Avenger's leader turned around to greet the other men but stop and quickly left the room after seeing the green tint to Banner's skin. Tony grinned, now was the perfect time to activate his main torture device. The playboy pulled out a taser and after turning it on, touched his friend's arm with it.

Bruce let out an angry roar as his shirt began to rip, skin turning green as he grew into the Hulk.

* * *

**Well that's it for today! Review please! They make my day more than a follow or favourite could :) *shameless bribing***


	5. Ramps and Force Fields

**I really have no excuse as to why this is so late. If it helps make you less angry my laptop isn't working properly and I'm going to have to take it in to get it fixed :/ but that's no reason why I couldn't update. I was just being lazy. I'm sorry but it's the truth, I am _very _lazy. This would have taken even longer to post but the procrastination meeting was put off until next week, so here's the next chapter! :) I hope you're all still with me.**

**Disclaimer: I own my superhero group called the Avengors, but I do not own the superhero group called the Avengers. I also own the imaginary show Bungalow Jumpers.**

* * *

Tony laughed evilly, watching as the Hulk stumbled around in confusing, taking in his surroundings. Spotting the grinning genius, Hulk roared and began stomping his way towards him. Stark's smile faded slightly as Banner's alter ego didn't appear to want to slow down. Hulk's hand shot out and grabbed Tony by the waist, hoisting him up to eye level.

"Puny human," Hulk snorted.

The inventor forced down his nervousness and smirked, "Hey, what's up big guy?"

"Hulk smash."

Tony chuckled anxiously, "I hope you don't mean me." The billionaire tried to remain calm, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get out of the steel grip and was more likely to get squished -or smashed- if he tried. Hulk grunted and began to make his way out of the room, smashing a chair and the door as he went. The playboy had no idea where they were headed and so simply watched for the moment. A while later he realized they were going to the roof of the tower. "_Not good..._" Tony thought with alarm, "_I hope jolly green's not planning to throw me over the edge._" Passing by another room, he saw Natasha and Steve playing a game of chess and decided not to take any chances, "STEEEVE!" He screeched, "TASHAAA!" The two turned their heads and the assassin jumped to action, disappearing inside a vent to get a tranquilizer just in case. The captain just shook his head and got up to follow them.

"You did this Tony, it's your fault," the soldier said with just a hint of amusement.

The inventor's captor looked back at Rogers and snorted before continuing his way up. As the glass doors to the roof neared Hulk hugged Tony to his chest before smashing through them. Steve saw his chance ran to stand in front of Hulk, throwing up his hands, "Hulk, stop!" The Hulk contemplated the order before choosing to ignore it and pushing past the captain.

Setting Tony down near the edge, Hulk pointed in a vague direction, "Hulk smash statue."

"Liberty?" Tony asked, "I don't think that's such a good idea..." He trailed off as Hulk turned and roared in his face, obviously displeased. It was at that moment that Natasha silently ran up behind them, and shot a dart with a special concoction, one specifically made for the Hulk, into his neck. Angered, Hulk turned around to -most likely- smash her into goo but began to shrink back into Bruce before he could. The doctor stumbled, being steadied by Steve, before realizing where they were and began to ring his hands with embarrassment.

"So...why are we on the roof?"

* * *

Clint was walking leisurely along, unaware of what had just taken place. He whistled and began to descend the stairs when all of a sudden the steps sank into the floor and Clint fell, sliding down the newly made ramp. Idling in the back of his mind was the thought of "_Why are the stairs so slippery?_" but it didn't make it to the forefront of his brain as the archer began to pick of speed, sliding down all fifty or so (there were to many floors to keep track of) floors and out into the lobby-like area. Clint stood up after a few moments of lying around, stunned, and stared blankly at the ramp. Walking over, the agent swiped a finger on it and raised an eyebrow as it came away wet with a water and soap mixture.

The archer huffed and walked over to the elevator, fully intent on going to his room and changing out of his now wet clothes. The unsuspecting Clint smacked right into some sort of force field right in front of the elevator, bouncing off and falling back on his butt. He got up and reached out, unable to push past it. A familiar sounding laugh filled the room and Barton looked around, but no one appeared. Sighing in resignation, the archer turned and sized up the slippery ramp.

Sweat was making its way down Clint's brow and he groaned with effort. "_Why did I choose to have my room on the top floor?_" he whined silently. The agent was slowly making his way to the top, pulling himself up by the railing, his feet scrambling for purchase against the wet ramp. He had been working his way up for an hour and forty-five minutes and was barely past the thirtieth floor. He leaned against the rail for a quick break, feeling somewhat accomplished for already getting as far as he had, thirty floors was quite a bit without an elevator. Lost in his thoughts, Clint didn't hear the deep yell of surprise and didn't notice anything wrong until he saw Thor sliding down towards him at breakneck speed. Clint's eyes widened and he was filled with dread, but there was nothing he could do to get out of the way. Thor, sliding on his back, took up the entire width of the ramp, and he slammed into the archer, knocking him over. The two clung to each other as they continued downwards, screaming at the top of their lungs.

Clint just laid there, tangled up with Thor, and choked back a frustrated screech. He had to start all over again now. The agent almost felt like crying, he was so tired from the first time. Thor groaned and sat up, making Clint focus his attention on him. The thunderer got up, stretched as if nothing was wrong, and made his way over to the elevator. He met his fellow avenger's ice-melting glare with a sheepish smile and pressed the up button on the elevator. Clint just sat there, watching in disbelief as the elevator doors opened and Thor got in with a quick 'sorry' thrown over his shoulder. "_Well I guess the force field's gone,_" he though sourly. Heaving himself up, the archer dragged his feet over to the elevator, only to run straight into the force field and land five feet away on his butt. Clint's jaw dropped open in incredulous fury, he stood up and walked back over. Sure enough the force field was still there and this time the agent couldn't control himself, "NOOOOO!"

* * *

All the other Avengers paused in their various activities from where they had congregated in the living room.

"What was that?" Bruce asked.

"I think it was Clint..." Natasha answered, "does anyone know what he's doing?"

Thor shrugged absently, "Last I saw friend Barton he was on the bottom floor. I knocked him over when I lost my balance and slid down the ramp friend Stark recently put in."

"Ramp?" Tony said, confused, "I didn't get a ramp!"

Thor's brow creased, "Nay! You have one."

The genius shook his head, "Whatever, I'm sure Clint's fine."

With that all the people in the room went back to what they had been doing before.

* * *

All the chatter in the dining room stopped as Clint appeared in the doorway. He was soaked from head to toe and VERY angry. This unhappy mood of course, went unnoticed by a certain god of thunder. "Behold! You are very wet friend Barton!" Thor boomed, and the glare Clint shot at that made even him shrink back.

"**I just spent-**" the archer breathed raggedly, incensed beyond reason "_**four hours **_**climbing a soapy wet ramp because there was a force field in front of the elevator.**"

Tony, who was not paying attention, waved his hand absently and mumbled, "Mhm, that's nice. Come and eat now. I had Jarvis call you five times!" The billionaire jerked back as a knife landed right between his thumb and forefinger.

"Next time I won't miss," Clint threatened, "And I know, I _heard _every one of those five times Jarvis called me."

"What were you doing Clint?" Natasha asked, face as blank as ever.

The agent's glare whipped to her, so angry that he didn't care that she might kill him for it, "I just told you. I spent FOUR HOURS CLIMBING A RAMP BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET INTO THE ELEVATOR!"

Steve frowned, "But Thor said he was able to use the elevator just fine, and apparently you were on the same floor at the time."

"Never mind this anymore," Bruce interjected, "Clint, go clean up and return here for dinner when you're calm."

"Why should I listen to you?" The archer said scathingly.

Bruce simply raised an eyebrow, "You sound like a child, now go." Clint huffed and stormed off to his room. As soon as he was gone, the group broke down laughing.

* * *

Soon enough, the others found out Clint wasn't making up excuses. They realized this when they saw the ramp, which, to the surprise of Thor, was still slippery.

"Wait here," Tony told them, "I'll be right back."

Natasha crossed her arms but stayed with the others instead of going to her room to watch her favourite show, Bungalow Jumpers. Of course she was only still there because she didn't want to tell her team that she watched a kids show. It didn't take long for the genius to return though, and when he came, he had pool rafts.

"Ok," Tony held up one of the inflatables, they were all tire shaped, like the ones that could be found at a water park, "I'm going to the top floor to slide all the way down to the bottom. Who's with me?"

The rest of them shrugged in agreement while Thor beamed, "Behold! That is a wonderful idea man of iron! Let us slide on these rings of plastic!"

"Oh no!" Clint objected, "There's NO WAY I'm going back down there, thank you very much." The archer stalked into the living room to watch tv.

The avengers (minus one) all stood at the top of the stairs-turned-ramp on the highest floor. "Who wants to go first?" the playboy asked. Everyone took a step back, unsure about the idea. "Alright then I will," Tony rolled his eyes, sitting down on one of the rings, "Care to lend a hand Capsicle?" Steve looked sceptical but pushed Tony anyway. They watched as he picked up speed, flying around corners and disappearing out of sight. The four people left all looked at each other for one pregnant moment, before they clambered towards the inflatables, clawing and shoving to try and be the next one down. Natasha got there first of course and, positioning her ride, took a few steps back before racing forward and leaping onto raft, sliding down even faster than Tony had. Bruce and Steve allowed Thor to go next, patiently waiting until Stark came back up with a raft they could use.

The team spent the rest of the night having fun with their own water slide. Steve was even happier than the rest because Tony had completely forgotten about going to a club, he was so preoccupied with the new ramp.

* * *

Loki stretched, and looked out the window at the Avenger's Tower nearby. The idiots didn't even realize that he was living in the apartment building across the road from them. He grinned with evil contentment as he remembered the fun he had that day annoying agent Barton. Of course he hadn't expected them to turn around and find a way to have fun with the mischief he had caused but it didn't matter, his goal had been accomplished. The trickster swiftly turned around and climbed into bed. He clapped his hands, making the lights go off, and chuckled, that never got old. He clapped a few more times, switching the lights on, off, on, off, before he decided to stop acting like a child. Loki rolled over and fell asleep rather quickly.

The suns rays hit the god's eyes, causing him to awaken. Sitting up, Loki looked to the side and almost fell out of bed. A girl was laying next to him, watching with amusement dancing across her features.

Loki's mouth opened and closed a few times before he managed to get out, "Who are you?"

The beautiful girl laughed, her voice as sweet as honey, "I'm SilverHeart09!"

* * *

**Well that's it for this chapter! I seriously typed it all in one go, it took me over three hours cause I had writers block, but I refused to leave my seat until it was finished. I was like, "K, I gotta write this, it's been a month and they're probably angry with me now. LET'S DO IT!" *fist pump* So yeah, that's how this was done :P Leave any suggestions in you're review. PLEASE REVIEW I LOVE THEM! *coughs* Anyway! Thank you to all who have reviewed so far, it really means a lot to me. And thank you to all the people who read my crap and have favourited and/or followed it. You guys make my day. I LOVE YOU ALL! In a VERY non-creepy way. Now excuse me while I go pee, I've been sitting here for a few hours, all for you guys.**


	6. Pop Tarts

**Narrator: Welcome back to...*drum-roll*...Property of Stark! *confetti* Here is your hostess, Invidia!**

**Invidia: Thank you, thank you! I really don't have a big announcement or anything, so I'm not sure why I hired a narrator...whatever! Thank you to all my lovely reviewers and here is the next chapter for your enjoyment.**

**Disclaimer: I don't think the world is ready for the stunning person I am. Therefore, it is correct to assume I do not own the Avengers as I have not yet revealed my beauty to the public. Trust me, when I do, you'll know. I also must admit that I do not own anything you recognize.**

* * *

The Avengers were enjoying a nice quiet morning, or most of them were seeing as it wouldn't be quiet if Tony or Thor were awake. The others were all very glad they slept in longer than the rest of them, that way they could have a peaceful morning. Bruce was cooking breakfast, Steve was reading his newspaper, and Clint and Natasha were sitting in companionable silence enjoying some coffee. Unfortunately, the peace was shattered when a rather dramatic and whiny yell sounded from their resident billionaire's quarters.

"Of all things, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"

The team looked at each other and sighed, waiting for the genius to come to them after he realized no one would be rushing to see what was wrong. Sure enough, Tony soon waltzed into the room and made a show of flinging himself onto one of the chairs and covering his face with an arm. A silent battle of wills commenced over Stark's head as the others looked at each other, trying to get one another to engage in conversation so they wouldn't have to. Steve caved first.

"What's wrong Tony?"

The man in question looked over to his captain, "Capsicle! We didn't go to a club last night!"

"Oh," Steve said in mock horror, "that's horrible!"

"I know! We must go tonight...for two hours!"

"NO," the soldier answered quickly.

"Yes."

"No."

YEEEEES!"

Steve sighed and shook his head, "I'm going to be the mature one here."

"I'm older than you," Tony huffed.

"Physically, not mentally," the captain retorted, folding up his newspaper to help Bruce serve breakfast.

The billionaire simply pouted, it was a very manly pout thank you very much, and stared dejectedly at his food. Natasha eyed him as he began to swirl his pancakes around the plate, then she reached over and slapped his hand, "Don't play with your food."

Tony gave her an affronted look, "You sound like my mother."

"Oh I'm much more frightening than your mother Stark." The assassin's evil glare sent Tony gulping down his food. Everyone else shifted -not so subtly- away from Natasha.

A deep, cheerful booming was heard from down the hall, "Good morning my friends!" Thor gayly skipped into the kitchen, and his jaw dropped at the food Bruce offered him, "Why! This food appalls me to the bowels of my soul! Where are the popping tarts?" The room became as silent as an apocalypse scene as nobody dared to move.

"Thor," Bruce began gently, "you finished the Pop Tarts yesterday, remember?"

"NAY friend Banner! I left two of the heavenly silver packages in the box!"

Natasha stood, giving her best glare, "Alright then, who ate Thor's Pop Tarts? Fess up now, and your punishment will be less severe. Stark? Barton?"

Both men shook their heads, and Clint chimed in, "I didn't eat them, honest."

"I can vouch for Tony," Bruce interjected, "he was with me all last night after the ramp incident. I had to drag him to bed."

Natasha let a flash of confusion cross her face, "Then who-"

"Me," a stranger standing in the doorway interrupted her.

The Avengers' eyes all widened until they looked like owls. Steve instantly switched to Captain America mode, crossing his arms and demanding, "You are...?"

"She's SilverHeart09," a weary voice answered, and Loki came into view. He looked, frankly, awful. His shoulders were slumped and there were dark circles under his eyes, "I'm not really sorry for the trouble she will wreck on you, but I can't stand her anymore! She would not shut up about being hungry this morning."

The girl stuck out her bottom lip and gave the distressed god her best puppy dog eyes, "You don't love me anymore Loki?"

"No, no!" Loki rushed, waving his hands about haphazardly, "I still love you, please just don't get upset!"

SilverHeart09's demeanour brightened instantly, the quivering lip and tear filled eyes gone so fast the Avengers were almost frightened. The pretty lady's hair bounced softly as she glomped the god of mischief, crying out 'SUPRISE BUT SEX!'

"Can she stay with you?" Loki asked hopefully.

"NO!" the Avengers' replied, backing away slightly.

The trickster sighed, looking about ready to burst into tears himself, "Alright, I guess we'll be going then."

"Ok well, you guys are amazing!" SilverHeart09 smiled at the Avengers.

Thor was the only one who replied with a beaming smile on his face bright enough to rival the sun, "Your esteem warms the cockles of my heart!"

SilverHeart09's face scrunched up momentarily, "I don't think your heart has cockles...but we must be going!" she jumped on Loki's back, "Hi ho silver, AWAY!" the god just sighed and snapped his fingers, disappearing with a strange popping noise, kinda like the house elves in Harry Potter.

The Avengers continued staring at the spot they were for a while before Tony broke the silence, "Well, she was hot."

"Tony!" Steve scolded, face a light shade of pink, "That is no way to speak about a young lady."

"Pfft, whatever. At least we know who ate the last of Thor's Pop Tarts."

The thunderer's face fell for a second, but then he smiled widely, looking as though a light bulb had just gone off in his head, "Alas! There is no reason to worry for me good friend Tony," Thor reached into the cupboards over the fridge, moving a bunch of nondescript stuff out of the way which revealed a new box of Pop Tarts, "For I always keep an extra box reserved for times like these!"

* * *

**May 13, 2012**

**Ok, so yesterday was different, but today has been even weirder (so far). Now I know you're eager for the knowledge that I am about to impart to you so wait no further!**

**Fact 1: Thor's heart has cockles.**

**Fact 2: There actually _is_ a way to troll Loki, in the form of a special individual named SilverHeart09. She's great guys, shout out to her and her AMAZING story "Dream Quarantine"! IT'S AWESOME PEOPLE GO READ IT! *Narrator: This advertisement was brought to you by Stark Industries. Thank you.* (A/N: I knew there was a reason I hired a narrator!)**

**Fact 3: Bruce actually snores really loudly. REALLY loudly. I can hear it whenever I sleep in my bed, and he's two floors below me!**

**Fact 4: Natasha watches My Little Pony. Steve watches it with her. They both enjoy it.**

**Fact 5: Thor is an alcoholic, he just has a high tolerance to it so it's hard to tell.**

**Fact 6: Clint makes weird noises when he thinks he's all alone. I heard him once, he was taking a pack of gum out of the cupboard and looked really suspicious. So I hid around the corner and I almost died when I heard him mumbling, "num num gum gum" to himself.**

**Fact 7: Natasha and Bruce fight over movies every night. Natashalie wants to watch the Men in Black while jolly green prefers Mission Impossible. They actually will start to roll around on the floor and scream at each other. Go figure, I hardly ever see either of them lose their temper.**

* * *

Tony had just finished writing, and was putting his journal *cough diary cough*** **away when Clint burst into his room, made some sort of weird blabbing noise (it kinda sounded like this: ASJSFHSDKJFBDJEIRJVNCMV!) and then fled the room, leaving a startled genius collapsed on the floor in cardiac arrest. Natasha crawled out from under his bed, snapped a picture, and ran off cackling.

* * *

**It's a little short I know, please don't kill me :( Anyways, I watch My Little Pony myself. And yeah I'm a little too old to be enjoying it but it's just so cute! Just in case you wanted to know (you probably don't) I got the idea of Clint mumbling things to himself from my dad. Whenever he thinks he's alone he makes weird noises o.o I once heard him saying, "googly gluckensers" and I found it very odd but also inspiring. PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! They motivate me to write faster instead of being lazy like I usually am :)**


	7. Hanging Bananas

**I'm back! I really had no idea where to take this story, so I pretty much just pulled this chapter out of my butt. Oh well, I hope you still like it. ALSO! I have changed the summary, you may have noticed. This is because I thought the summary sounded a little ominous. I want people to think this is a funny story, not angsty. Though this chapter isn't really funny, my muse left me :/ you people all know what that feels like.**

**Just as a point of interest, has anyone noticed how all of us aspiring writers suffer from sleep deprivation? I have, I've read plenty of fics where the author tells the readers to shut up and be happy because they stayed up till 3 in the morning to write that chapter for them. I suppose it just comes with having an account.**

**Disclaimer: I am not a white sheep. I am not a black sheep. I am not the owner of the Avengers or the quotes. I am a sheep that barks...and moos.**

* * *

Steve and Bruce were sitting side by side on the couch, both had their left leg crossed over their right and a book in hand. The two avengers sighed in contentment and flipped their respective pages at the same time. Both men looked up in synchronization as they heard grunting and a shuffling sound. Tony came into view a few moments later, dragging himself forward on his stomach and panting loudly. The soldier and doctor continued to watch in silence, Bruce taking out his phone to record the scene.

Thor appeared in the doorway after a little while, "What ails you friend Stark?"

"Gah...fffffffffff-" the billionaire replied.

"Is that some sort of Midgardian disease? ARE YOU GOING TO DIE FRIEND STARK?! This is a most grievous occurrence indeed. I shall prepare my best robes and mourn at your funeral dear Anthony. Such a great loss this is." Thor was wailing now, slumped down on his knees and pulling his hair.

"He's not going to die Thor," Bruce attempted to calm the saddened god.

Thor looked at him, all signs of grief gone, "Ok." He then got up and walked out of the room happily.

Steve sighed, standing to help Tony sit on the couch, as the genius was trying, and failing, to pull himself up. He pointedly looked to the vent above the couch, and Clint dropped down, right on Tony's lap, snuffing the breath out of the tortured man.

"Clint...I think you put him into cardiac arrest," the soldier said dryly.

"No," corrected the archer, "he just came out of that."

"What did you do?"

"I did nothing."

"Liar."

"You have no facts to base that accusation on."

"How-"

"HEY!" Bruce yelled angrily, stopping the squabbling duo in their tracks. They both looked up at him guiltily. "Clint could you please move? I don't think he's breathing."

Clint jumped up instantly, "Aw sh-" he broke off at Steve's pointed cough. **(A/N: Don't swear kids it's bad.)**

* * *

Tony woke up to the sound of mechanical breathing. He looked around, everything was white. He blinked a few times before his vision cleared, he was in the hospital. The avengers were all gathered around his bed, arms crossed and stern looks on their faces, except for Thor. The big guy looked as though he was going to burst into tears at any moment. But...one was missing. The playboy looked around for Clint, and found him face first in the corner. He couldn't see his face but was willing to bet his suit that the archer was pouting.

"Tony," Steve said dryly.

The man in question cracked a grin, "Steve, I am your father." Unfortunately the reference was lost on the man out of time, but it was still too good of an opportunity for the billionaire to pass up.

The soldier blinked owlishly, "No you're not."

Before the banter could continue, Natasha cleared her throat, getting straight to business, "Can't say I'm fully glad to see you're alive Tony, but kudos on not dying."

"YES!" Thor bellowed, "We must hold a feast in honour of your survival friend Stark!"

"Clint has something he would like to say to you," Bruce interrupted.

Clint moved forward, clearly annoyed at being forced into what he was about to do. He groaned, "Why only me? Tasha was involved in it too!"

"Was not!" the assassin shot back rather childishly.

"Oh come on! Tony, you remember seeing Natasha take that picture of you right?"

The genius caught the redhead's eye and both smirked. Turning his attention back to Clint Tony replied, "No. I only remember you."

Stamping his foot, the archer huffed out, "Fine. I'm sorry (not)." He then turned on his heel and stormed out.

"I think that's the best we're gonna get," Steve said, rubbing the back of his head.

"I feel old," Tony complained. The nurses had insisted that he be wheeled out of the hospital when he was released. So there he was, being pushed by Steve in a wheelchair.

"You're not old Tony," the captain sighed.

"I'm older than you!" the playboy insisted.

"Physically, not mentally."

"Ouch that hurt Cap," Tony turned around and gazed at Thor in mock agony, "He wounded me friend Odinson!"

Thor looked appalled, "In the cockles of your heart?!"

"Uh...no."

* * *

Bruce was the first to walk through the door into the tower, and he immediately turned and walked out again, re-locking the door.

"What gives jolly green?" Tony asked.

Bruce gave him a blank look, opened the door again, and held it for the rest of the team. As the heroes went in, they noticed what was wrong right away. Hundreds of bananas were hanging from the ceiling. There were apples tapped to the walls, and pears on spikes sticking up from the floor. As soon as all of them were gathered in the room, a large bucket that went previously unnoticed, fell from above, drenching the team in cheese wiz. A large banner floated down after saying: Loki'd!

"Ok guys, he got us, fun's over," the genius sighed, clearly not amused. He walked towards the corridor that would lead to the elevator, but bounced off the plastic wrap that had been stretched across the door frame. The others watched as Tony flailed comically, before falling on his butt.

"I have to say that was funnier than anything else today," Natasha commented. The others nodded their heads in agreement before walking around the collapsed man, tearing through the plastic wrap.

A couple hours later found the Avengers answering a call by Fury to stop Loki from destroying the Statue of Liberty. The problem became apparent as the team went to suit up, and found all their suits had been dyed bright pink. So there they stood, embarrassed beyond belief below the statue while being laughed at by a breathless trickster.

"This is too rich!" Loki screeched, wiping tears from his eyes, "You guys look so gay!"

Steve growled, "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT I'M. NOT. GAY!"

"I never said you were dear Captain, you came up with that one on your own, I merely pointed out your physical appearance," the god sneered joyfully.

Steve jumped frantically at the base of Liberty, waving his arms up and screaming at the man lounging lazily on the statue's head. From Loki's point of view, he looked like an angry hot pink ant.

"LOKI!" Thor shouted, raising his fist towards his adoptive brother, "If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow man can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby "it" and be ashamed." The thunderer seemed oblivious to the stares he was receiving from his comrades, focused solely on the figure above them.

The other god simply chortled, "I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!"

* * *

"Ok, let's just get what we're looking for and leave. Get what we're looking for and leave," Steve repeated it like a mantra, trying to remain inconspicuous while walking through the aisles of the huge library. He and Tony were on the second floor, sent by Natasha to pick up a book for her because she didn't feel like getting it herself. Steve was of course looking, while Tony was just wandering around and messing things up.

"Hey look!" said the inventor.

"Shh! We're in a library Tony! Now help me look," Steve whispered, scanning through the 'E' section. A scream interrupted the soldier's searching and he whipped around, horrified to find Tony leaning over the rail, screaming just to get people's attention. And he did, half of the population in the library were now looking up at them. Steve flushed bright red, his companion simply looking over at him with a slightly disgruntled expression.

"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."

Steve learned the meaning of the phrase, 'facepalm' that day.

* * *

**YES IT'S SLIGHTLY SHORT PLEASEDONTKILLME! Oh, and um...review? :3 Come on people, can we make it to 40? I think we can!**


End file.
